This is a question I posed in desperation to a local message board I frequent. I was desperate as I have been feeling so low about not bringing the income in like I once was. Here is what I wrote:
“Even as my toddler is whining at me as I type this, (he hates it when I get on the computer) I know being home with him is the best thing, but not making consistent money is making me feel worthless. Has anyone else ever felt this way?
I have always worked. I worked all through my pregnancy right up till I went into labor. I worked after he was born because I knew we needed the income, but I would have rather stayed home to take care of him. Then I got laid off which was a shock and I miss working to a point. I enjoy being home with him and feel it's the best thing for him, I just am so hard on myself because I don't bring in much money and we are barely making it.
I made the mistake of basing my self worth on always being able to take care of myself, working and making not a lot of money, but enough to make a living. Now that I'm not I feel worthless.
I would work in the evenings, but my husband doesn't want to have to watch our son every night. I can understand that since he works very hard during the day and I have another responsibility for caring for someone a short time in the evening as well. I have been trying to find things to make money at home with son, but I'm not very good at it. Selling just isn't my strong point. I have a blog and trying affiliate marketing, but again, I'm not very good at it though I will keep trying. I do the couponing, but not to the extent that some do as we don't have a freezer or the room for extensive stockpiling. I have managed to cut our grocery bill down quite considerably. I know that money saved is like money earned.
I have a supportive husband who works hard. I just feel bad that he is out there busting his b%@# and I am playing homemaker. He says I trivialize what I do too much, but I can't help it. I feel bad when things aren't perfect and not done to the extent I think they should be. But he never criticizes me on it which is nice.
Now don't get me wrong, I understand how hard being a stay at home mom (SAHM) is now. I was a working mom and when I got laid off I naively thought I was going to have all this time to get stuff done! Duh, I forgot about the full time position I paid someone else to do - take care of my son! He is the most demanding boss I have ever worked for. Right now he's going to "write me up" for spending too much time on the computer and not playing with him. He keeps whining and shoving this toy in my lap so I better wrap this up.
Thanks for letting me vent for so long.”
And now here are some of the few wonderful response I got from other stay at home moms:
“I feel for you and understand EXACTLY what you are saying. I will probably be writing the same post in the matter of months, when I get laid off. It is hard to SAH. You said that you used to pay someone to do the job before. Think of all the money that you are saving by not paying that person. I think that it is one of those, it can go both ways--feel guilty working, feel guilty staying home. You are sharing something with your DS who will grow up quickly--time. As long as you are making ends meet, I would not worry about it. When the economy improves, you can probably find a job quickly, so you can do what you want in your heart. Remember he is only little once.”
“This has always been my philosophy...you can NEVER get back your children's childhoods, those memories are a one time shot. The work force, however, will ALWAYS be there!
I'm telling you, as a mom of a 12 and 8 year old, slow down and enjoy these moments. They're going to go by so fast and you don't want to have any regrets.
Money cannot create memories and the love that your kids will have for you!”
“I remember once, a small bit in a magazine, totally up all the services a SAHM does and what you'd have to pay outside sources for that. It was well over $100,000. Not sure I could do anything legal that would pay that much.
So no, not having a paycheck never bothers me in the least.”
Yes, I understand he is only little once and I feel so blessed to have this time. You are right I should enjoy it more and not worry so much about money. It is just so hard. I feel guilty at spending any money.
He is such a joy to me especially since he is my miracle baby. I didn't know you could love someone so little so much!
So I say thank you to all those women for their words of encouragement. I hope this brings some encouragement to other moms (or dads) who feel the same way I do at times.
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