The Funny Side of a New Baby & Living Without Sleep

Do you have a new baby in the house? Then you are getting no sleep, am I right? That’s funny!

Ok, so it's not funny to a new parent, but your walking dead type life can appear hilarious to everyone else!

Let me show you.

A new baby brings many changes to our lives, but none more so than the lack of sleep. I'm not sure why nature does this to us or what purpose it serves, but there is no getting out of it. It is a rite of passage.

I remember when mine was brand new and how sleep was just a dream of mine. I firmly believed my lack of sleep would get me in the end though.

I often found myself falling asleep at odd times, but I still stayed somewhat functional. Here are few things you can actually do while sleeping:

• Sleeping while standing up. Yes you can sleep while standing up like horses and cows do. But beware. Just like cows, you are a candidate for someone to come up and "tip" you. RE: tipping cows. Who would be that mean? An older child, shaking you while yelling, “Mom! Mom!” that’s who.

• Sleeping while holding a bottle under warm running water. Of course this is done while standing up. Not very ecological to let the water run, but you are too tired to care.

• Sleepwalking through the living room without stepping on any toy. You do this to keep from jabbing things into your feet, cussing loudly and waking everyone up including the baby you just got to sleep. You are proud of yourself and this new found skill that will ultimately fail you around the time leggos can safely appear on the scene.

• Getting dressed through closed eyes. Now this is big. Getting dressed BB (before baby) could be fun and required thought. Now if it doesn't smell like soured milk and it doesn't have a brown stain on it somewhere, it's clean and ready to wear.
  New parents just don't care how they look anymore. They know the zombie look isn't a turn on to others of the opposite sex even if they had the energy to be interested and they just flat are too tired to care anymore.

• You can sleep quite well even at a fun game party where you friends yell when their team scores and you wake up with a jolt and yell, “I’m coming sweetie!”

• Sleep while standing at the coffee pot at work. It’s a great time to steal a few minutes while you brew your second pot. Use the wall behind the pot to hold yourself up.

• The bathroom. Ahhh, the bathroom…the one glorious time you get to sit down.

• You can also fall asleep at a school meeting. What’s really great about that is another mom will take a tissue and wipe the drool off your chin and prop you back up if you are in danger of sliding out of your chair. School meetings are a place to find kindred spirits. Use them.

Here are some of the stupid things I do or forget to do when I am running on fumes. See if you can relate. Have you ever done this before?

• While in the shower you can't remember if you just shampooed your hair or not. You look down at the bottle, you run your fingers through your hair, but you just can't remember. Now you are aggravated. You say to yourself, "Did I or didn't I? This is so stupid and I don't have time for this!!!" So you shampoo again.
  Now chances are you did the first time because we all do a routine in the shower and shampooing is usually one of the first things most people do, but you just flat can't remember. So you end up taking more time, use more water and run out of shampoo faster.

• While driving to work you think of the horror stories of people wearing two different colored socks to work or worse, two different shoes! So you risk an accident by looking down to confirm that you not only have the same two pair of shoes on, but that your socks match too. The car slows down fast when you take your foot off of the accelerator to look doesn't it?

• Someone at work or at the store points out to you that a bird crapped on your shoulder and it ran down your back. You look over your shoulder and pull up on your shirt to have a look. Then you smile, thank them and walk away. You know the truth. The baby projectile device got you again, but you are just too tired to care. Funny how you get used to the smell.

• You stare at papers with writing or figures on them at work or at home for heaven knows how long until someone walks up to jerk you out of your stupor only for you to say, "Huh?" You stare at the words on the paper wondering what it is you’re looking at, why you are looking at it and what the heck you were supposed to do with it.

• You forget how to spell the word, "the". You know it's a simple word. You're sure you have spelled it before, but for some reason it totally escapes you now and you are in awe of yourself and how stupid you are at the moment.
  You sit there, your brain reeling over the fact you can't remember it, wondering if maybe you are having a stroke, but you realize it's just lack of sleep.
  It eventually comes to you in an “a hah” moment and you are amazed at forgetting it in the first place. I mean who forgets how to spell the word “the”?!

• Drive a car to a destination and no recollection of the drive. Now that's scary. You can't remember if you stopped for that red light or stop sign, etc. You do care about this one, but then again you are just grateful to have arrived so the caring thought is fleeting.

You wonder how long you can possibly last without sleep and you ask other parents around you if there is any end in sight. When they just laugh and walk away you know that didn't sound good, but hey, they are living proof you can live through it.

I found it a privilege that I was a card carrying member of the new baby = lack of sleep club and I wanted to shout it from the roof top.

But I knew if I somehow miraculously had the energy to climb on the roof I would just lay down and take a nap instead.

Yes, there will come a time when you will fondly look back and say, “Aww, remember when we brought the baby home and how precious of a time that was? I miss those days.” It may take 30 years for that amnesia to hit you, but it will.

Sweet dreams new parent. 

New parent? 

New Parent? 

Oh, I see, you fell asleep reading again, didn’t you. It’s alright. Take it when you can get it.

Julie

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Things I Never Thought I Would Say Till I Had Children

Having children makes for some interesting words that come out of your mouth that you just never dreamed you would say.

Here are some that came to mind I have said probably in just the last two days. Feel free to comment and add your own:

“Get back in the house and put some clothes on!”

Upon entering the bathroom and instantly hearing someone yell, “Mom!” I say, “I am going to the bathroom! Unless the house is on fire, no one better bother me!”

“So help me, if I find pee on the toilet seat one more time!”

“Did you poop today?”

“Stop kissing the dog.”

“Get your fingers out of your nose!”

"Whose underwear is this?”

“Hmmm, now what is this stain?”

“How on earth did you get your head stuck in there?”

“God, he’s your child. You sent him to me to raise, so now you can help me do that!”

Did You Send the Text to the Right Person?

There is nothing like that feeling of panic when you send a very personal text message to that special someone, only to realize in horror that you may have sent it to the last person who called instead of the person you meant to send it to.

You then find yourself frantically checking the "Send" section on your phone to double check you picked the right person.

Has this ever happened to you? 

Did you find sweet relief, or did your face turn hot red with embarrassment as your fingers start flying, texting your apology to some bewildered person?

I am a woman who knows fear. 
I know what's it like to have your heart skip a beat. 
Like in the middle of the night when you go to the bathroom and find out the hard way someone left the toilet seat up. 
Yep, I know that startling feeling.

Twelve Days of Christmas (Boys Edition) from Mob Society

If you do nothing else today, you MUST read this hilarious post about one mom's version of the 12 Days of Christmas. 
Whether you have boys or girls or a mix of both. Or if you can remember once what it was like to be young around Christmas time and feel the need to say, "Sorry Mom" you will love this.

Twelve Days of Christmas (Boys Edition)

Remember to share the love. Lets "Like" each other. I'm Not a Supermom

M.O.B. Society's Boy Mom Blog Hop 2012

Hi, I’m Julie and welcome to my site, I’m not a Supermom.

Be sure and check out M.O.B.Society’s Blog Hop and join us as we meet and learn about other moms who share so many similarities.

I started this site as a way to share with other moms out there who, like me wanted to be Supermom, but realized that Supermom is just a myth.

Like so many other women bloggers, I find it therapeutic to share life’s experiences, both the good and the bad. I try and add a dose of humor when I can, because there is nothing funnier than real life.

I have a loving husband and it’s the second marriage for both of us. We feel God really did send us to each other and our son is the miracle He wanted to give to us. We only wish God had brought us together sooner in our lives, but we know it was in His time, not ours.

We live in suburbia, but long for the country once again. I’m used to living the farm life and my husband and I are working hard to get back there. We want our 4 year old son to grow up out in the country.

Since my husband and I both race cars, our son loves cars and racing and any books relating to that. I try and broaden his exposure to other things including my love of horses and animals. I try and also show him there are many other things in life he can do and encourage him try new things. 

I feel the best gifts you can give a child are books, art supplies and musical instruments.

I hope you check out M.O.B.Society and enjoy reading everyone’s links. It is so nice to have a place to come to when you need a lift, a word of encouragement or just to share a funny story.

So stick in a cartoon for the kiddos, sit back with your favorite drink and spend some quality time with some good online friends. It’s OK, you deserve a break to recharge, laugh some, cry a little and just de-stress.

And know this, in your family’s eyes you are SuperMom.

You can find us online at these locations:

Website: I’m Not a Supermom

Email: imnotasupermom@yahoo.com

Facebook: I’m Not a Supermom

Twitter: I’m Not a Supermom2
Pinterest: I'm Not a Supermom

Stop by and let me know how you are doing, if you liked a particular article or want to know more. Be sure to include links to your sites so I can enjoy your articles!

In addition to everything else, I am also an Independent Shaklee Distributor and work to help others lead healthier lives. I write a Health and Wellness blog, To Be Healthy. Check it out for all the latest. This site is packed with great advice to help you and your family live a healthier life.

We offer free consultations and product recommendations on the following areas:

Children’s Health

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General Nutrition

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Shaklee - Always Safe, Always Works, Always Green - See why we work when other don’t – The Shaklee Difference

You can contact us through the websites or you can email me at yotobehealthy@yahoo.com for information and a free, no obligation consultation.

Wishing you all the best,

Julie

Storm Door Glass

Some people see all the mess on my full length glass storm door as a sign I don’t want to clean it.

I like to think of it this way. All the fingerprints, smudges and tongue licks are my way of keeping everyone safe. The grime keeps them from looking through it and running into the glass.

Clever of me, isn’t it?

Housework

Quote: If Your Kids Are Giving You a Headache

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, "keep away from children."
~Unknown

Things We Say To Our Kids That Makes No Sense To Them

When we are right in the thick of the parenting trenches we often say things out of desperation that makes absolutely no sense to our kids. The confused look on their faces says it all, but we all do it.

Do any of these sound familiar?

> Said to a baby or young child who won’t go to sleep – “Do you have any idea how tired I am?!”

> Often said in the heat of the moment – “If you don’t stop crying, I’m going to give you something to cry about!”

> Said to a child with separation anxieties. I have said this myself more than once – “Trust me honey, there is no back door in the bathroom. I have to come out the same way I went in.”

> Said usually before some type of punishment – “This is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you.”

> Said in an attempt to justify your decision that your child does not like – “Because it is for your own good.”

> Said to a child who is learning to wipe himself – “You don’t need all that! Only a third of that will do!” (My husband caught me saying that to our son – like a 3 year old knows what a third is)

> Said with a nervous smile – “I know what I said, but you cannot tell Grandma that I said her hamburgers tasted like hockey pucks.”

> Said to an adolescent wanting to do everything her friends do – “And if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?”

> And the favorite one is…..drum roll please…..                                                                                  ”Because I said so!”

What's as painful as a root canal without anesthesia? 
Shoe shopping with a little boy. 
Another mom heard me mutter under my breath, "Just shoot me now" and she laughed as her little boy's disgusted look on his face was the same as my son's.

We are learning opposites here. Up, down; front, back, etc. 
3 1/2 year old son: "Look Mama. I have a little hand, you have a big hand."
I said, "Yes. And see my foot is bigger than your foot, but someday your foot will be bigger than mine." 
Son: "And I have a cute little butt and you have a great, BIGGGGGG butt!" 
My answer: "Gee, nothing gets by you does it?"

A typical start to a day in a house with a little boy like mine..... 
"Watch this Mama!" CRASH! BOOM! Then an "OWWWWWWW!!" 
Then, an evaluation of whether 911 is going to be the next number I call. 
If I could just have an ounce of that energy...just think of all that I could get done!

Before I became a mom, when I would see a child acting up in public, I would say to myself, “Why can’t they control their child?”

Now that I am a mom, when I see a child acting up in public I say, “Gee, I’m glad it’s not my kid this time!”

Help a Small Child Countdown to Christmas

If you have a toddler, preschooler or kindergartener then you know how hard it is for them to wait for Christmas. This tree can help little ones countdown to the big day and help them learn number recognition.

My 3 year old was always disappointed every morning he woke up and saw that Santa hadn’t been here yet. He was having a hard time understanding that he had to wait till the 25th.

To make this really simple project all you need is some green construction paper, some round white stickers and a small red stamp that has a design of a decorative ornament on it.

Cut out your tree, no need to be perfect, or if your child is old enough, have them cut it out.

Then take a sheet of circle shaped white stickers and number them from 1 to 25.

Then have your child put the stickers on himself. It’s OK if the numbers get put on upside down, it’s their project and it adds to the charm if it’s not perfect.

Then have them stamp off the numbers each day adding an ornament to the tree every time they stamp a day off. My son is quick to remind me we have to stamp off another day.

We hang ours on the refrigerator and I keep the stamp out of my son’s reach so I don’t end up with “ornament stamps” all over my house.

Try this easy project and watch your children get excited as they stamp off the days one by one.

Enjoy!

Julie

What a Way to Wake Up

Nothing like hearing the garbage truck outside in the early AM to make you leap out of bed in a single bound, trip over the covers that were knocked on the floor, rush down the stairs while putting on your robe inside out, rush outside to chase the truck down all while dragging your garbage can behind you - only to discover it's the wrong day and your garbage collection company doesn't come till tomorrow.

Yep, nothing like that way to start a morning.

Where's my caffeine….

I Just Love Little Boys

At the doctor's while we are in the room talking to the nurse, my son announces as he looks down his pants, "Mama, I have to go! Mama, my pee pee is getting long. I have to go!"

The nurse busted out laughing.

Red in the face, I smiled sheepishly and said, "Don't you just love 3 year olds?"

Here's another one in the same day.

We are walking through the parking lot. As I'm holding his hand I look down and see him with his fingers near his mouth. I say, "Honey, get your fingers out of your mouth."

My son responds, "Mom, they're not in my mouth, they're in my nose!"

Oh, that's even better.

~If you are a stay-at-home mom who has ever struggled to make ends meet, or a working mother who would like to transition to a business that allows you to spend more time with your family, then Project MAHMA is for you!

Project MAHMA(Moms at Home Making A Difference…and a Lot of Money!) is a global coalition of moms (and dads) who are earning an income from home and giving themselves the gift of freedom— including more time with their families—while at the same time offering others the gift of better health and a better life.

Visit us on the Web at: Project MAHMA

Exercising in the ‘Hood

I decided that I had been off the exercise wagon long enough.

The excuse I was using of my husband’s surgery and my surgery had worn out, so I was left with no choice but to get back into exercising. Plus, seeing that number on the scale creep back up is enough to make me lose my appetite. The really frustrating part is no matter how much I scream at the scale, it is never intimidated.

Since my husband is off work from his surgery, I decided I would just walk around our neighborhood while he watched our son. That way if one got on the other’s nerves too much, it wouldn’t be hard to find me. You may want to re-think that strategy if your goal is to get away from your family. There is something very therapeutic from walking alone.

I also don’t recommend wearing headphones as it can be very soothing hearing the birds chirp and the squirrels play. That may not be your scenario though if you have kids following you saying, “Mom, Mom, Momma, Mommy! Where you going?” You may also need to be able to hear your neighbor’s mean dog barking at you as he is learning to find his way up and over the fence.

Our neighborhood has enough hills and steady inclines to give us a varied landscape in which to walk. Couple that with weight lifting 2-3 times a week and maybe I’ll start losing the weight gained from stress and even get some of that energy back. Though I doubt if I have enough self esteem to wear walking shorts and pump iron with an I-Pod strapped to my arm while I walk. It may be good for you, but it does make people look and laugh at you as you walk by. I hope to be fit enough someday to be able to do that and not care what my neighbors think. Till then I’ll stick with my longer jean shorts to cover my cellulite and t-shirts with sleeves long enough to cover my jiggly arms.

I’m sure some of the residents around the neighborhood thought my husband and I were stalking children or casing houses as we were driving slow down cul-de-sacs and turning around. Really, we were just marking the mileage off on our van’s odometer, so we knew how far we had to walk. If you don’t want to appear as a stalker, you can go to a paved walking course at a park that has mile markers and time yourself. That way you know how far you walk in say 30 minutes. Then just walk that long at home to get the comparable distance.

While walking this morning I wondered if a stroll around the neighborhood was enough of a challenge to get me back in shape. We don’t have any exercise equipment at home except for a couple of hand weights. Would a neighborhood walk be comparable to the many different machines you find at the gym?

I think you can achieve the same results walking around most typical neighborhoods and here’s what I discovered:

Experts suggest walking on uneven terrain to help build leg and core muscles. Walking on most city sidewalks fulfills this requirement. Except for the well to do couple that have lived in the same house since it was built, and who just put in a new concrete driveway and sidewalk, most sidewalks are anything but flat. They are busted up from tree roots and years of salt thrown on them every winter. You get added core stabilizing moves when you find yourself skidding and sliding on the ones that have turned to pure gravel.

You get quite a workout stepping up and down and over broken sidewalks, rocks, large sticks, dog poop, gum and toys left out. Plus there’s a hidden strength benefit for your arms. You gain upper body strength when you have to catch yourself after tripping over something and sailing face first into the pavement. Having all your weight suddenly thrust upon your hands and arms and then jumping up quickly hoping no one saw you are some extra ways to build strength and stamina.

Exercise gurus also say to lose weight while walking you should add short, fast sprints in order to raise your heart rate. I can manage to get in a few longer sprints trying to avoid the mean dog that always ends up chasing me. I have found that the run in addition to the fear of being eaten alive does wonders at raising your heart rate.

If you want to avoid this then try and time your walks with meter readers, mail carriers and other delivery people to help distract the loose dogs. Having some tag team friends to share your “run for your life” with can help break up the boredom and you won’t feel so alone. Remember when being chased, you don’t have to outrun the dog, you just have to be faster than the other guy. Predators always go for the weaker, slowest prey.

You can also walk just inside the yard of a dog who is held captive by an invisible fence. But I must warn you, most property owners frown at such practice and many dogs learn to push past the fence shock and will charge through the invisible fence after you. Everyone I have ever known that had an invisible fence had a dog that managed to learn to push through it. They also say the shocked look on the face of the person the dog was chasing after was absolutely priceless.

Another way to add short sprints and faster heart rates is to walk in really bad parts of town after dark. Though I cannot recommend this for safety reasons, hearing gunshots, having creepy people follow you and being generally scared out of your wits will raise anyone’s heart rate to at least their target rate if not past it. Again, it’s not the safest way and I would caution against it, but it is an option. Maybe your neighbor will allow you to take their mean dog with you for protection and wearing bullet proof vests is another way to build stamina- I hear they are very heavy.

If you happen to be fortunate enough live out in the country you can use the uniqueness of the land, it’s wildlife and all the varied opportunities that come with it as an even better place to walk and get fit. Being surprised by a skunk, being chased by a swarm of bees, stepping in groundhog holes and yes, even being chased by a neighbor’s mean dog (I can’t get away from that scenario) are all great ways to build your strength and cardio fitness.

And if you happen to see me trying to outrun the neighbor’s mean dog, come join me! I always could use another decoy friend.

Julie

**If you are a stay-at-home mom who has ever struggled to make ends meet, or a working mother who would like to transition to a business that allows you to spend more time with your family, then Project MAHMA is for you!

Project MAHMA(Moms at Home Making A Difference…and a Lot of Money!) is a global coalition of moms (and dads) who are earning an income from home and giving themselves the gift of freedom— including more time with their families—while at the same time offering others the gift of better health and a better life.

Visit us on the Web at: Project MAHMA

 So no matter where you live, you have wonderful opportunities to use your neighborhood as your own personal fitness course. Who needs an expensive gym when you got every possible scenario right outside your door!

Oh, Spare Me

While talking with a couple of moms I know who are younger than me, the subject of having kids came up. Yeah, I know, imagine that.

One of them mentioned about being "old" when their last one was born and the other one said she was old, too when hers was born.  I asked how old is old. She said, “Oh I was really old – 35!”

I had to walk away. I wish I was that young when my son was born!

Sheesh. “Kids” today.

That's Too Much

According to Guinness World Records, in the 18th century, a Russian peasant set the record for most children born to one mother:
69 (16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets).
Not sure if I believe that story, as I'm not convinced that's possible.
But if true, well I guess I shouldn't complain when my one is driving me crazy!