My experiences with Kroger’s Clicklist

I just want to state up front that I hate grocery shopping. It’s the one thing that if I was super rich, I would pay someone to do.

In our area our big grocery chain, Kroger’s has a new feature called Clicklist.

Clicklist is simply an online grocery shopping method where you order your groceries through their website. 

You pay online, set a time for pickup, go to the designated spot to pick them up, they bring them out to your car and load them for you.

You don’t even need to get out of your car!

When this first came out I thought what many of you all may be thinking at the moment and that is, “That’s lazy!”

And for some it is. Then I was talking with my hairstylist who is pregnant and has a little boy and she told me why she liked doing it and I started to see the many possible benefits of it.

Here is a list of reasons why this is becoming so popular and why you may want to try it if it’s available in your area:

• A tired mom with a sick kiddo. We all know what it’s like to drag a sick, cranky baby through the store.

• You’re sick yourself and just want some soup and cold medicine. They aren’t doing prescriptions yet with Clicklist, but their website states that they may implement it in the future. Many stores have drive-thru pharmacy pickup anyway.

• You are injured and don’t want to drag the crutches out to hobble into the store.

• You’ve had a rough day at work, you’re running late and you know there’s nothing at home to make for dinner. You’re exhausted, cranky and you know if you go into a busy store with rude people and long lines you may just finally snap.

• You are elderly or handicapped. Maybe it’s cold or rainy and you are concerned about crossing an icy parking lot.

• You forgot an important ingredient for your special dinner and ask your spouse to pick it up on the way home. They’ll be less whiny about it if they don’t have to get out of the car and you promise to throw in a special treat for them if they stop to pick up the order for you.

A few stores in the area also offer delivery, which is awesome for the elderly and shut ins!

Clicklist is very easy to do. The online ordering instructions were simple. You pay online and the order isn’t charged until pickup in case there’s something that the store didn’t have or a weighed item like produce needed to be finalized.

You can see what's on sale. I like that all the items in the store are available with the current pricing.

You can add notes to an item like you want green bananas, or you want your deli ham sliced thin, etc.

Each item also has a box you can unclick if you are not willing to accept substitutions for when they are out of a certain size item or brand. 

Often they will give you the larger size at the smaller size’s price if they are out of what you ordered.

If you are wanting only a certain brand, etc., you can un-click the substitutions allowed box. 

You can also type in a note like what other brand or flavor you are willing to accept if your original choice is not available.

If they made a substitution, it will be on your printout and the store clerk will ask you if the substitution they have is acceptable to you or not. If not, they will take it back and credit your order.

All my shopper’s card electronic coupons were applied. You will want to load your coupons to your shopper’s card before finalizing your order.

Then you can pick the date and time range of pickup. There’s a drop down menu of time slots. They average about 6 orders at one time and you have a one hour window. 

The time slots fill up fast so if you’re wanting to pick it up that same day, you will want to get your order in early. It may just depend on how large and how busy your store is, too.

You then get an email notice about your order and again shortly before your time to pick up is. I put an alarm notice on my phone to remind me to go get my groceries in case I got busy and forgot.

If you miss your pickup time, they put all your items back and delete the order.

The pickup was simple. Just pull into the designated spot, call the phone number to let them know you’re there, give your name and within minutes they come out to your car with a cart of your groceries.

Frozen or refrigerated items are ice cold since they keep them cold while waiting.

I did check off my list as I unpacked the items at home to make sure I got everything. I’ve learned from others that missing items are rare, but if it does happen, call them and they will either provide the item for you to pick up or credit your charge card.

They only accept credit and debit cards as forms of payment and no paper coupons can be used.

I was pleasantly surprised at how easy and convenient it was!

There is still one problem though, I have not been able to work out....I still had to unload and put away all the groceries, but at least I wasn’t as tired when I came home from the store!

I won’t use it every time I go to the store, but I can now see the benefits of it.

How about you? Do you think now you may use this convenience?

~ImNotaSupermom

When You Feel Like Collapsing Out of Exhaustion, But It’s Not On Your To Do List

Mom days are long. No big surprise to you is it?

We are usually the first one up and the last one to crawl into bed at night, or should I say fall into bed.

Maybe you have had a day like described below. Maybe it was today.

The alarm clock goes off and you actually contemplate the notion of everybody skipping school and work, and the thought of sleeping in till 8:00 sounds heavenly.

Just when you decide you just might do that a large dog who has to go out to pee just shoved her cold wet nose into your face.

Or maybe you have a toddler who comes running into your room screaming like a banshee holding a poopy diaper in his hand.

Either way, you have to get up.

Ugh! Might as well rouse the rest of the troops.

With the morning chaos of breakfast, fights, getting dressed, backpacks and lunches, then flying out the door hopefully in time to meet the bus, you are already feeling a bit frazzled.

Let’s admit it, your morning routine is so frenzied it would make any marathon runner feel winded.

Add in the household chores of laundry, dishes and cleaning that weird stain on the carpet… what IS that?! 

Then errands or a job outside of the house and by 11:00 AM you have already put in a full day’s work.

Come evening with homework, dinner, dishes, more fighting, tossing in yet another load of laundry…I swear I am doing laundry for people who don’t live here... the the ball practice you are already late for, you find yourself dreaming of actually collapsing on the floor in a heap. Your body completely worn out and no strength to hold its own weight up.

Have you ever fantasized doing this? Come on, I can’t be the only one!

So picture this as you stir the macaroni – You are on the kitchen floor right in front of the stove. Maybe your family will be so alarmed they will take care of you and do all their chores without fuss for like……forever.

I told you it was a fantasy and fantasies aren't supposed be realistic!

Here is what would really happen to me if I tried this:

I know how my family would react. They would just step over me to get to the fridge, lean over and ask me if I remembered to wash their favorite shirt and if I have seen the remote.

That is when my choice of floors to collapse on may not be the best choice as I notice all the crumbs and strange dirt on the floor, the giant dust bunnies caught in the fridge vents and all the missing toy pieces under the stove.

So far I’ve seen 2 hot wheels, 6 cheerios, 3 vitamins, 4 game pieces, a AA battery and some weird looking chunks that I think may have been dog food pieces at one time. All of these wonderfully lost items are also sitting in about 6” of dust.

I sigh as I get to my feet and write the words, “Clean under stove” to my already longer than should be “To Do” list. So much for my drama themed mom moment.

In all seriousness though, I truly have had days where I just run upstairs, hide under the covers and answer their never ending questions with a disguised and muffled voice saying, “Mom? Nope, haven’t seen her.”

But when I have done this I get the following scenario:

My husband comes into the bedroom finding me buried under covers muttering some unrecognizable words and asks the famous, “What’s wrong?” and before I can even spill my guts on all what’s wrong in my life he starts asking me if I paid the bills yet, if there is any money left and when I was planning to go to the grocery.

He would then promptly leave when a small human runs into the room screaming at the top of his lungs because his favorite car went under the stove.

Wonderful.

Then there’s the dog. Remember the dog? Yeah, she’s sticking her nose under the cover right into my face. I’m not sure if she wants out to pee again or just to escape the terrors of the household. I pat her head and she gives me an understanding look like, “Thank you for fixing me so I can’t have puppies.”.

The macaroni's burning and sticking to the pan. Looks like I’ll have to reschedule my “Mom Collapses Day” for another time when there isn’t so much to do like um…..never.

Julie

If you have ever wanted to add to the household income while still staying home with the kiddos, you can do both. I have and it is actually a lot of fun. It gives you a reason to shut the door to your office, even if it is just the bedroom, and use the excuse of, “Mom’s working!”

Moms, you can own your own business and make your own money while fitting it into the nooks and crannies of your day.

We call it Project M.A.H.M.A – to learn more and hear from other moms who are doing it and still managing to stay sane, visit our website: http://tobehealthy.myshaklee.com/us/en/about_mahma_success.html

Then click Contact Us up top of the page and tell us how we can help.

Tip: If you take your phone into the bathroom to look at our site, lock the door and turn the vent fan and the tub faucet on full blast, you can almost drown out the sounds of the kids fighting.

The Funny Side of a New Baby & Living Without Sleep

Do you have a new baby in the house? Then you are getting no sleep, am I right? That’s funny!

Ok, so it's not funny to a new parent, but your walking dead type life can appear hilarious to everyone else!

Let me show you.

A new baby brings many changes to our lives, but none more so than the lack of sleep. I'm not sure why nature does this to us or what purpose it serves, but there is no getting out of it. It is a rite of passage.

I remember when mine was brand new and how sleep was just a dream of mine. I firmly believed my lack of sleep would get me in the end though.

I often found myself falling asleep at odd times, but I still stayed somewhat functional. Here are few things you can actually do while sleeping:

• Sleeping while standing up. Yes you can sleep while standing up like horses and cows do. But beware. Just like cows, you are a candidate for someone to come up and "tip" you. RE: tipping cows. Who would be that mean? An older child, shaking you while yelling, “Mom! Mom!” that’s who.

• Sleeping while holding a bottle under warm running water. Of course this is done while standing up. Not very ecological to let the water run, but you are too tired to care.

• Sleepwalking through the living room without stepping on any toy. You do this to keep from jabbing things into your feet, cussing loudly and waking everyone up including the baby you just got to sleep. You are proud of yourself and this new found skill that will ultimately fail you around the time leggos can safely appear on the scene.

• Getting dressed through closed eyes. Now this is big. Getting dressed BB (before baby) could be fun and required thought. Now if it doesn't smell like soured milk and it doesn't have a brown stain on it somewhere, it's clean and ready to wear.
  New parents just don't care how they look anymore. They know the zombie look isn't a turn on to others of the opposite sex even if they had the energy to be interested and they just flat are too tired to care anymore.

• You can sleep quite well even at a fun game party where you friends yell when their team scores and you wake up with a jolt and yell, “I’m coming sweetie!”

• Sleep while standing at the coffee pot at work. It’s a great time to steal a few minutes while you brew your second pot. Use the wall behind the pot to hold yourself up.

• The bathroom. Ahhh, the bathroom…the one glorious time you get to sit down.

• You can also fall asleep at a school meeting. What’s really great about that is another mom will take a tissue and wipe the drool off your chin and prop you back up if you are in danger of sliding out of your chair. School meetings are a place to find kindred spirits. Use them.

Here are some of the stupid things I do or forget to do when I am running on fumes. See if you can relate. Have you ever done this before?

• While in the shower you can't remember if you just shampooed your hair or not. You look down at the bottle, you run your fingers through your hair, but you just can't remember. Now you are aggravated. You say to yourself, "Did I or didn't I? This is so stupid and I don't have time for this!!!" So you shampoo again.
  Now chances are you did the first time because we all do a routine in the shower and shampooing is usually one of the first things most people do, but you just flat can't remember. So you end up taking more time, use more water and run out of shampoo faster.

• While driving to work you think of the horror stories of people wearing two different colored socks to work or worse, two different shoes! So you risk an accident by looking down to confirm that you not only have the same two pair of shoes on, but that your socks match too. The car slows down fast when you take your foot off of the accelerator to look doesn't it?

• Someone at work or at the store points out to you that a bird crapped on your shoulder and it ran down your back. You look over your shoulder and pull up on your shirt to have a look. Then you smile, thank them and walk away. You know the truth. The baby projectile device got you again, but you are just too tired to care. Funny how you get used to the smell.

• You stare at papers with writing or figures on them at work or at home for heaven knows how long until someone walks up to jerk you out of your stupor only for you to say, "Huh?" You stare at the words on the paper wondering what it is you’re looking at, why you are looking at it and what the heck you were supposed to do with it.

• You forget how to spell the word, "the". You know it's a simple word. You're sure you have spelled it before, but for some reason it totally escapes you now and you are in awe of yourself and how stupid you are at the moment.
  You sit there, your brain reeling over the fact you can't remember it, wondering if maybe you are having a stroke, but you realize it's just lack of sleep.
  It eventually comes to you in an “a hah” moment and you are amazed at forgetting it in the first place. I mean who forgets how to spell the word “the”?!

• Drive a car to a destination and no recollection of the drive. Now that's scary. You can't remember if you stopped for that red light or stop sign, etc. You do care about this one, but then again you are just grateful to have arrived so the caring thought is fleeting.

You wonder how long you can possibly last without sleep and you ask other parents around you if there is any end in sight. When they just laugh and walk away you know that didn't sound good, but hey, they are living proof you can live through it.

I found it a privilege that I was a card carrying member of the new baby = lack of sleep club and I wanted to shout it from the roof top.

But I knew if I somehow miraculously had the energy to climb on the roof I would just lay down and take a nap instead.

Yes, there will come a time when you will fondly look back and say, “Aww, remember when we brought the baby home and how precious of a time that was? I miss those days.” It may take 30 years for that amnesia to hit you, but it will.

Sweet dreams new parent. 

New parent? 

New Parent? 

Oh, I see, you fell asleep reading again, didn’t you. It’s alright. Take it when you can get it.

Julie

Would you like to receive info on children's health and even how to stay healthy as a new parent? We have some great energy products that are safe to take with no harsh stimulants. 

If you would like to receive our Healthy You newsletter or would like info on some of our products, just fill out the "Contact Me" form up top and tell us how we can help you. 

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The Trek Across the Store Aisle to the Big Kid Clothes

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When You Really Don’t Want God To Bless Your Enemies

I have always struggled with certain passages in the Bible like when Jesus instructs us that we are to love our enemies and ask God to bless them. 

When someone hurts you and then you hear that you are to ask God to bless them, you just want to scream, “What? Are you kidding me?!”

The last thing I really want God to do is bless them! It seems all the compassion I can muster is to ask God to not let them suffer too long when that bus you wished for them runs them over.

Let’s face it, forgiveness is hard, and asking for them to be blessed can seem downright cruel of Him to ask.

Then it was shown to me that I misunderstood the lesson.

When Jesus said we are to love our enemies and ask God to bless them, He wasn’t saying we should ask God to send them money, lots of stuff, or for them to achieve great financial success and have all their hearts desire.

Jesus meant we are to ask God to bless them in the way that is most beneficial to all. We are to ask God for Him to show Himself to them, to softly reach out to them, to open their eyes to the hurt they’ve caused and to seek God for their own benefit, not ours.

Ok, that I think I can do.

Now that I get it, it may be just a bit easier to ask God to bless my enemies instead of praying for that bus to come and run them over, or whatever other calamity I may be thinking. 

I also have noticed it takes less painful effort to do this than to waste my time and emotions stewing over the hurt.

It’s the same as the lesson of turning the other cheek. God doesn’t want us to be doormats for other people! Good thing, because I have a short fuse for that! 

He wants us to forgive others as He has forgiven us. How many times have you’ve been angry at God and have hurt Him and he turned the other cheek? He forgave and forgot, and He does it much quicker than we do.

I believe the turn the other cheek is to behave in a way that means we don’t exact our revenge on others for hurting us, though at the moment it really sounds good, doesn’t it?

It means we are to ask God to be our vindicator as he really knows how to get to the other person – through their heart. 

Where we just want to hurt them back, which really accomplishes nothing, God wants to reach them, turn them around and help them along the right path. Kind of like he is already doing with us.

Ouch! That stings a bit.

This method really benefits us. Think back to the times when someone really hurt you and you asked for them to be hurt just as bad. Only to watch them seemingly be blessed in ways of finances, things given to them that you wanted and success in ways you can only dream of.

Ahhhh! Why is God blessing them when you were the one that was hurt?!

It seems like you are the one who got hurt while they seem to be getting rewarded for their bad behavior. What gives?

Well, we know that it does balance out. Call it karma or call it God's way of making sure everyone is even, either way - what you reap, you eventually will sow. 

And a life that appears calm and perfect on the surface often can mean there is a fierce undercurrent of disaster that is hidden from our view just under that seemingly perfect life.

So, the next time someone really is awful to you, don’t assume God wants you to get all the junk and the enemy to prosper. Ask God what He wants you to do. 

Forgive might be a word that quickly comes to mind. It may taste bad at first, but it’s OK for you to ask God to help you do that. Then ask Him to bless your enemies now that you know what it really means.

You may just find that the blessing is yours. J

Julie

Asking God For Help With The Little Things, Too

Life is stressful, isn’t it?

And it seems like bad things come in waves. At times it can feel like an avalanche of problems that bury our joy and our faith.

I had been experiencing one of those avalanches in my life not long ago. My husband had been hurt on the job and had not worked for almost 3 months. The company was trying to get out of paying, the bills were mounting up and to top it off our 6 year old was going through a defiant, back talking stage so we seemed to be constantly doling out discipline.

My business (Shaklee – I help others looking for ways to improve their health & save  money) was slow and it seemed like I never had the time to devote to it like I should have.

I could go on and on with a laundry list of issues, but you get the idea.

So when I saw my son sitting on a chair out back, with his head down looking totally defeated I knew he needed me for something and immediately I felt….angry. I didn’t feel like I had anything left to give. I felt like I just couldn’t handle one more thing going wrong.

But you know what touched my heart?

My six year old little boy had been witnessing all my stress and didn’t want to add to it. When I asked him what was wrong, he looked at the ground and just said, “Nothing”.

When I pressed him about it he sadly said he knew I was already stressed and he didn’t want to make me any more upset than I already was.

See, I had been hurriedly working trying to get the wood in for our wood-burning fireplace which we use to heat our home before the rain came. I had been harping on him to stop playing and do his chore which was to help pick up the little pieces that we use as kindling.

He had been doing that when he stopped to pick up a beloved toy glider plane he just received as a gift from a friend. When he threw it into the air, the wind took it and it landed in our pool. The problem was, the pool’s liner had a hole in it and the water had leaked down to only about two feet deep that now had a layer of ice on it.

I wanted to lose it, to scream at him and tell him all the reasons why it’s in there for good, but when I saw his brokenness, I just sank to my knees and felt my heart sink down with them.

I took him in my arms and held him as we both cried. I felt so depleted, but seeing my young son trying to hide his heartbreak from me made me feel ashamed for my behavior.

After gently telling him how I didn’t think I would be able to rescue his toy, he nodded and slowly went inside. I wiped my tears and finished bringing the wood in as the darkness settled in and the rain began to fall.

That’s when I finally asked God to help me get the toy out of the pool. Isn’t is it funny how we always seem to wait till we’re desperate to ask God for help?

I asked, almost hesitantly like I was embarrassed to bother God with such a trivial request, but it was more than just getting a toy, it was a way to help heal my son’s heart.

God wasted no time.

He instantly told me to get the big rake - the one I kept forgetting to put back in the shed. He told me to flip it upside down. I did as He instructed, reached down and the little toy plane obeyed and flipped easily into the hollow of the rake, where I could lift it up and out of the dark depth of the empty pool.

In my astonishment, I barely took time to whisper a prayer of thanks as I ran into the house to show my son what happened.

Seeing his little face light up and wonder how I did it lifted the avalanche of problems right off of my spirit.

It also gave me an example to show my son the love of God as I told him how I had asked God to help me help him. I told him how God gave me the instructions on just what to do to get the plane out.

Sharing your amazement of God’s love with your child is an awesome experience. Teaching your child that he can go to God with even the littlest of things is such a great privilege.

It was a lesson we both needed to learn. 

We must remember that God wants us to come to Him for all we need, even the little things. It gives Him a chance to show us how much He cares and a chance for us to show Him how much we trust Him to help us. It also gives us another way to praise God.

It was a lesson I desperately needed to learn myself. It gave me an opportunity to then go to God for everything I needed, in praise and thankfulness. 

And you know what? It all began to turn around. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Julie

Not Waving Goodbye Hurts

It was another typical morning. Lately all my son wants to do is fight, argue, complain and whine. UGH!

I know all children go through this, but when it is you going through it, you feel like you are the only one.

This morning it was over breakfast and not doing the things he knows he has to do to get ready for school. Then there is the lying. It’s more like fibbing because it’s small things, but I fear lying over little things like, feeding the dog part of his breakfast when he thinks I’m not looking and then lying about it when I confront him, may lead to lying later about drinking, smoking and worse.

I know it’s quite a leap to think that, but I value honesty very highly and as small disobedient acts become easy, then disobeying on a larger scale doesn’t seem that hard.

Then at the bus stop his bad attitude towards another child who he just happily played with the other day caused him to have to get reprimanded by me. So when he boarded the bus, sat down and looked out the window, he didn’t wave and didn’t smile like he always does – he just stared at me like he hated me. And my heart broke…….again.

I know it’s normal. That’s what I’d be saying to another mom right now if she were telling me this, but when it’s happening to you, it’s much harder, isn’t it? It’s hard to see the normalcy, they typical of the age behavior when you are in the thick of it.

So I grab my EnergizingTea that not only lifts me, it soothes my wounded spirit a bit, open my Bible for encouragement (I wonder if Mary ever had to discipline Jesus for misbehaving as a child?) and go on to the MOBSociety. I love this group. It never fails, whatever problem I am having with my son, they seem to be going through the same thing and have such words of wisdom. If you have boys, you need to stop by their site. If you have daughters, they have a sister site called Mothers of Daughters. I think you’ll find they have an uncanny sense of knowing what you’re going through and can offer help.

So, I patch my fragile heart back together and start my long day of work. My heart is heavy, but my husband is right, chances are my son will come home like nothing ever happened as the morning will be forgotten, and I’ll be grateful for his lack of short term memory for once.

Julie

My Kid is Being Bullied & I’m the One Who Wants to Fight

My son is 6 and he is being bullied in first grade. Actually it started in Kindergarten with the same kid, but the school did little to help. We tried everything to get the school to step in and stop it, but it was close to the end of the school year. I know they were hoping to ride it out till the end of the year so they didn’t have to deal with it.

My son is one of those good kids. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. You think he is either one of those goody-two-shoes or this mother is blind to his real behavior. Actually he really is a good kid. The teachers from pre-school on have always wrote outstanding remarks about him and he gets good grades. And he’s sweet, which makes him a target for kids like the one he is dealing with. This mean kid repeatedly hits and kicks my son and he is smart enough to do it when no adult is looking.

When this same kid started up again this year, I just about lost my temper. I so wanted to march down to the house as they only live a few houses away, look at that kid, use my scary mom voice and threaten to do to him what he’s been doing to my son. Then turn and tell the parents the same thing. That’s the mama bear inside of me.

Now of course I know I can’t go and threaten a little kid, but part of me so wants to do something, anything to protect my boy.

I am so confused on how to help my son. As the youngest of seven, fighting and standing up for myself came natural to me. In school if a bully hit me, I instantly hit back and hard. This often got me into trouble, but my parents always stuck up for me and agreed the best way to handle a bully was to give it straight back, then the bully never bothered you again.

Since the school offers little help in the matter and will instantly punish both children if one hits and the other defensively hits back, we are left with few choices. Of course we tell our son to tell a teacher, but often since the teacher didn’t witness the incident, she does little to nothing to punish the offender. This makes kids like my son feel that no one believes them and no one will protect them. This in turn makes the bully feel even more powerful since they got away with it and they can see that no one is going to stop them.

My husband and I told our son he has our permission to defend himself. We don’t want him hitting another child unless that child is hitting him, but he can and should defend himself. I know many people say we shouldn’t tell him it’s OK to hit back, but I would disagree. The schools do little to enforce the bullying rule and teachers are so busy, they can’t watch everyone all the time. This leaves our children vulnerable to the ones who are there to hurt them. Just like I believe every woman should learn self-defense, I also believe our children should have the right to defend themselves against any attacker – even if the attacker is another 6 year old.

The problem I am facing is, my son doesn’t want to hit back. While I admire his sweetness, I am frustrated with how to help him. He tells me he doesn’t want to get into trouble again. He learned early on that the teachers never see the kid who threw the first punch, but they always see the kid who throws the second punch and the school has him convinced he will be kicked out if he defends himself. Grrr, thanks school officials for twisting that around to putting even more fear into the kid getting bullied.

My son is also afraid of his inability to stop hitting him if he starts. I can understand his concern. He inherited my temper and he is very strong. He could easily hurt this child if he were to “lose it” and he doesn’t want that to happen.

I warned school officials that everyone has a breaking point and if steps aren’t taken to stop this, that my son could finally reach the point where he has had enough and will pulverize this child. That is something no one wants to happen.

I don’t know what else to do. We’ve tried talking to the father, the grandmother, who by the way allows her grandson to hit her, smack her and say awful things to her. She refuses to correct him because she feels sorry for him. She is a big part of the problem and I have tried telling her that she is doing him no favors by allowing that kind of behavior. The father just makes excuses, blames his ex-wife who walked out and she only sees the kids every other weekend kind of thing. I’m tired of their excuses and tired of them trying to make their problems ours.

I always turn to God for guidance and help, but lately all I feel is anger towards this child and his family. I want to scare them off with my own bad temper and threats of violence if it continues. I feel that my son is being hurt by this child and let down by the school who seems unable or unwilling to step in enough to protect him. As a fierce mama bear, I feel compelled to fight any threat made against my child, but also feel the tug of God wanting to teach me peace and forgiveness.

What do you do when you are torn between vengeance and wanting to violently protecting your child against a threat and what the Bible and God teaches us about compassion, love and understanding?

One thing is for sure, I’m getting fitter physically. To keep from storming down to their house I storm down the walking trails and hit the free weights with some really loud and really hard music. It helps me get out my anger and frustration and makes me way too tired to do anything else.

I highly recommend hard workouts when you are angry. Even just a brisk walk in the woods or at the very least sitting somewhere peaceful. It really does help.

I will continue to pray asking God for a solution. It is very hard though, not to go to God with anger in my heart. I hope someday that I can learn to quickly let go of the anger and let the peace God has for me to enter quickly. Till then, my muscles are sure going to get a workout!

Julie

Letters to Your Children

Do you write letters to your children?

I do and I’ll tell you why. My child is only six, but I have been writing to him since he was two. I wished I had started earlier, but I never thought about it.

Now, he of course, doesn’t read them, they are for later when he is older or if something happens to me. I want him to know what I was thinking and feeling at the time. So often when we are older our memories aren’t what they used to be so I think writing them letters at the time is a great way to preserve the memories.

I don’t write him one every day, more like just once or twice a year, like on the first day of school, birthdays, etc. You know, special occasions. If he did something particularly funny or special I may write one then.

I keep them in a folder in a filing cabinet and it is fun to pull them out and read them now and then. It also helps me experience my feelings in a more positive way. Like how hard it is to let them go when they first start school and you have to watch them ride away on that big yellow school bus. Writing those thoughts and feelings down right then is good for your spirit and your child will get a glimpse into how you were when they were little and how much you truly loved them.

Writing them letters now is a precious gift you can give to them later. My mother died when I was young and I would give almost anything to have a letter from her or a diary or something. Now that I am a mom, I would love to see how she felt about things while her children were young – to see the real her.

So give your children a gift they will appreciate when they are older and are parents themselves. I know they will thank you for it.

Julie

The Fear of Losing a Child

Yesterday while helping out at my son’s school, the teacher pulled me aside and told me a fellow student, a nine year old girl, died in her sleep last night.

I was stunned. I did the usual, “Oh no, that’s terrible" response. It didn’t start to sink in, till a few moments later as my son was eagerly greeting his fellow classmates. All of them unaware of the tragedy and the depth of sorrow slowly taking over the school, like a black wave. I felt so relieved to see my child standing in front of me, safe and healthy. At the same time my heart broke as I thought what this little girl’s mother is doing at that very moment.

Is she thinking about how her little girl would be entering her class right now, if it wasn’t for being gone? Was she thinking she should have hugged her tighter before leaving for work to teach her own class? Was she thinking she should have gone easier on her while she got after her daughter about putting off doing her homework? All the guilt a mother would feel.

This child’s mother is a teacher in the same school district and her father is a church youth pastor. They are well known and loved in their community and the police to not expect foul play. As expected an autopsy will be performed, but can you imagine the horror of not only finding your child dead in her bed, but then having to answer insinuating questions from the police? Yes, they need to investigate, I do understand that as we all want answers, but I can’t imagine the pain of that experience.

Later, while I worked with individual students at a desk out in the hall, I saw her class walking slowly back from assembly where they were told the devastating news. Seeing her classmates and teachers in tears, with some of the girls so upset that teachers had their arms around them, holding them up was a sorrowful, but touching sight. Seeing other teachers and staff hugging each other in the hallways behind the children, hoping none of the students would see their moments of breakdowns was actually harder to witness.

As I looked back at the little child in front of me who was looking up and needing help with a word, I swallowed hard and smiled through misty eyes. I fought back the tears, saving them for my own moment alone when I could let them flow unhindered.

In fact it wasn’t until the next day did that moment alone where I could finally allow the feelings of sorrow and fear to overtake me.

Emotions have the oddest timing sometimes. Sure I was saddened and a bit melancholy yesterday, but it wasn’t until I was driving home from the grocery store this morning, did my emotions finally decide to bubble up from somewhere deep inside, find their way up to my eyes and begin to flow over like water over a rock cliff.

Like a free flowing stream, once the tears started, there was no stopping them.

I felt the guilt of a parent whose child is still here; I felt the pain of one mother to another of knowing her heart is breaking and how I wish I could gather up all the pieces of her heart and hand them back to her with love. I also felt the fear as a parent feels and hear myself ask the question, “What if that was my child? And I only have one. What if I lose my one and only child?”

See, my biggest fear is losing my child. I have lost many loved ones, including my parents when I was young and it is simply the thing I am most afraid of.

I am a Christian and I pray a lot, but I struggle with trusting God on this one. How do I know He won’t take my child away from me? I pray, I often beg Him not to do that, but I know it’s not up to me to decide when and that scares me.

The greatest gift ever given to me was my son and I know that the gift could be pulled from me in the blink of an eye and I struggle with that knowledge.

Yes, it makes me appreciate each day more and of course, tragedies like this one makes me hug him more and even let  him get away with a bit more because who wants to harshly discipline their child now? Especially when a family is now mourning the loss of their child who would give anything, anything for the chance to get mad at her for something.

We will move on and the memory will fade at this sorrow like they always seem to do, but that nagging fear, that scary emotion that is always right there under the surface like a predator ready to overtake me and devour me, is always there taunting me.

It never goes away.

I fear no hell except for the one no parent should ever endure – burying a child. That IS pure hell on earth.

God, please forgive me for my failing faith in you in this one area. I am filled with faith for you in other areas, just please send Jesus to me to hold me up in my weakness, for you have taught us that when we are weak, He is strong. And I could really use His strength right now.

But I can wait, till you get that little girl’s mother steady under your arm – she needs you so much more I know.

Julie

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