Setting Limits For Toddlers

Here is a good article from Dr. Sears on setting limits and time out for toddlers.

SETTING LIMITS AND TIME OUTS

It talks about what to do when your toddler seems out of control and doesn’t listen when you tell him/her to stop the behavior. A toddler who doesn’t listen?! Wow, I never have that problem! I am being sarcastic of course.

My 17 month old I think gets great pleasure in finding new ways to send me over the edge. He is always into something he shouldn’t be! Whether it be getting into cabinets and dragging out all the contents, like the pots and pans while I’m trying to make dinner, or climbing into the computer chair and banging on the keyboard when I get up to answer the phone, or throwing his toys into the garbage can which is his latest “trick”. He also likes to run towards the street and towards the cars as he loves cars. He is currently working on undoing the latches on his crib. I won’t be able to contain him much longer I’m afraid. You get the picture and if you have a toddler you are nodding your head in agreement.

One thing though that I have learned is to pick my battles. If I went around and constantly shouted, “NO!” at everything he did “wrong” neither one of us would be enjoying the day or each other. I want him to grow up to be a happy child, not a sullen one who feels he can’t do anything right. That is what he would become if I constantly got on him for every little thing. Besides, I don’t have the energy for that kind of heavy discipline.

Now I am strict though. I have set rules and boundaries that he is learning. There are just certain things he is not allowed to do and I remain consistent on the punishment. I believe consistency is the key in training. I want him to know without a doubt what is allowed and what isn’t. This, I think will make life easier for both him and me as he gets older. Children need structure and rules so they can safely enjoy life. We as parents need to teach them these boundaries to keep them safe and help them learn there are consequences to their actions. It also makes our lives easier since it helps have happy, well behaved children who are a joy to be around. Besides, life is too busy to be chaotic and stressful with your children. Though I am strict about some things, I do let other things go. I pick what is important and remain firm to give him structure and to teach. Then I let him do other things that may be a little annoying at times, but are not that important.

How I discipline is, I tell him in a firm and sometimes angry tone that he can’t do that. Then I quickly and firmly remove him from the situation. If he screams in anger or throws a fit, he goes into time out for one minute. I started timeouts early with him and he knows why he is there. He may whine for a short time, but he has learned if he stays still and is quiet, the time out is over soon and all is forgiven. I never thought I would be a “time out” kind of parent till I tried it and I’m amazed at how well it works. Because he is learning what he is not allowed to do, often time if he forgets, which toddlers often do, or he is testing me all it takes is a verbal warning. If he continues, then the time out is issued. He will eventually learn that he will get the same consequence every time he does it thereby learning not to do it. I hope. At least that is the plan.

One of the nicest compliments you can give a parent is to say what a joy their child is to have around. It shows how much you appreciate the hard work that went into raising that child to have respect for others and to basically be well behaved. It is also a compliment to the child who is rewarded for their good behavior by being praised.

As children, my brothers and I still got into trouble now and then, but overall we were well behaved children. My parents insisted on it and we knew without a doubt what the consequences were if we misbehaved. We had a healthy “fear” of our parents and what they would do to us if we misbehaved. I’m sure many would agree that is what some of the problem is with the children of society today. They need a healthy “fear” of the consequences of their actions and it’s up to us to make sure this next generation of children grows up to be the well behaved and respectful citizens we hope they turn out to be.