This is a small series of things I miss. There are so many I couldn’t possibly get it all into one article so here’s the first thing that I miss.
There are some things you find that you miss when your little one is no longer a baby. When they are little and learning new things like learning to roll over, sit up on their own, crawling and eventually walking, you encourage them to learn more and more and it’s exciting. You want them to progress in ways that makes them more mobile and independent. But in doing so you are losing things you never thought you would miss.
One thing I really miss is being able to go to the bathroom by myself. Now there is an activity I never thought I would have to share with anyone. As soon as my son was crawling he would immediately follow me into the bathroom. Now that he is walking I can no longer be by myself in there. The same goes for taking a shower. I can’t remember the last time I was able to take a shower in peace. Seeing the door slam open and a little face pressed against the outside of the shower door glass tends to make you sigh and long for a, “Calgon, take me away” moment.
Closing the door is of no help. To a toddler that is just an invitation to show off their skill of being able to turn the doorknob. If I have someone home with me who can watch him while I go into the bathroom and I am allowed the rare opportunity of being able to not only shut the door, but to lock it, I feel like it’s my birthday or some other special occasion. I love my son, but boy is it nice to be able to be by yourself, even if only for a moment. My solitude usually lasts no more than 10 seconds which is about the time my son realizes I have entered the bathroom without him. It doesn’t matter what part of the house he is in. He has a built in radar that goes off as soon as the flick of the bathroom light switch goes on. If I have forgotten to lock the door, then he opens the door with such a force that the slamming door makes the walls vibrate. Hollering at him to close the door only seems to bring more people to the scene to help. This is of course the last thing I want as I am trying to stop midstream so I can hurriedly get up and shuffle across the floor with my pants around my ankles to slam the door shut before another person comes down the hall to get him. I have been able at times to get him to close the door himself with him in the bathroom with me of course. He then proceeds to try and climb on my lap, beg for me to read him a book or does some other activity to get my attention. Lately though, he has been slamming the door open and then running out, laughing and screaming down the hall as he goes. This of course once again draws more attention from others causing me to yet once again do the pants around your ankles shuffle.
When I do get the rare chance to go in and use the bathroom or take a shower and be able to lock the door, the background noise from all the hollering tends to dampen the mood. It’s bad enough that the toddler is hollering and whimpering, but hearing his dad hollering at him to leave mommy alone and then two minutes later hearing him ask, “Honey, are you OK? Are you coming out soon?” makes me wish for a bathroom with an escape window. They haven’t made a bathroom vent fan loud enough to drown out a screaming toddler hell bent on getting in and a dad wishing he could.
Sometimes I just like to sit in there and meditate. The bathroom really is a great place to meditate, though the seating could use a little more comfort built in. Sometimes I think of nothing and just let my thoughts drain out my ears. Sometimes I look around the bathroom and notice the areas I missed while cleaning it the last time which really irks me, but not enough to always get up and clean it. Sometimes I look at the areas that need to be fixed, like the tub needing re-caulking and tile grout getting bad which I make a mental note to add it to the list that never gets done. Sometimes I picture how I would like to redo the bathroom, what color I would like to paint it, what pictures I would like to hang. I then start to think to myself that I bet other mothers never let their bathrooms get this bad and I bet their bathrooms always look like the ones in magazines. I then proceed to sigh deeply which is good because I need to take deep breaths often since my thoughts are usually interrupted with a loud bang of a toy against the door and a scream from a little banshee trying to get in.
I am also trying to slowly teach him to use the potty and without much success I might add. I figure since he’s in there with me all the time anyway he might as well learn why and start using it himself. Talking about pee pee and poo poo has become a constant topic of conversation, more often than I care to admit. I wonder if my mother and I had as many conversations about it as my son and I are now.
Since I drink a lot of water I tend to have to “go” often, so this little ritual my son does with me with the bathroom happens a lot. Enough so that I have been thinking about dehydrating myself on purpose. On second thought, I better not, that may backfire on me.
I do so long for time alone on the throne like my husband gets, but hearing the cries and seeing little fingers sliding under the door causes me to feel a little guilty, like a good mother would never wish for time alone. So does wanting some time alone in the bathroom make me a bad mother? Maybe, but when you “gotta go”, at that moment you really don’t care.
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