Guest Post - Invitation to Friendship

Here is a guest post By Mary Steinke

"Would you like to have a cup of coffee?"
Almost twenty years ago, that simple invitation began a wonderful friendship. Both of us were new, first-time moms with brand new babies and new in town. Her invitation brought a ray of hope into my life. Maybe, at last, I had found a friend.

Having been a navy wife, I knew the value of making new friends in new places. Yet somehow, once my first child was born, it seemed all the rules changed. Making and maintaining friends takes energy and time--both very limited commodities to first-time moms. I desperately needed a friend, but I had no idea how to find one in a strange town where I spent hour upon hour alone with my baby in a perpetual, sleep-deprivation stupor.

Isolation tends to breed insecurity. And believe me, at the time, I was a jumbling mass of isolated insecurities. In addition, I felt unsure of my new role as a mother who chose to stay at home. When I worked full-time, I had always socialized with my co-workers. Once I started to work at home, I knew there had to be other moms out there somewhere, but I had no idea how to find them.

So what's a mom to do? Do what businesses do. Network! Either you can network individually with moms who choose to remain or network through mom's groups or you can do both.

Individual networking

Probably the best place to meet other moms is at activities which involve your children. Put yourself in places where the moms tend to congregate. Use proximity to build your friendship base.

Try any or all of these ways to meet a mom who may also be looking for a friend:
-Sign up for story time at the library
-Walk with your baby at the mall
-Arrange for your child to take swim/dance/gymnastic lessons during the day
-Offer to treat one of your children's preschool playmates and their mom to lunch at McDonalds -Begin a play group or baby sitting co-op in your neighborhood or church
-Volunteer at your children's school

Then, just start up a conversation about how much your child enjoys that particular activity. Over time, you will be able to sense who will be a soul mate or who will be a friend you greet in the grocery store. Both kinds of friends are invaluable to help you feel connected to this community.

Group networking

Or choose to make friends in a group setting. A good place to find out about local groups is to contact local churches.

Regardless of where you meet another mom, you need to make a special invitation in order to make a friend. Invite her for coffee. Or invite her and her children to join you at the park, an indoor play area, or a children's museum.

Remember making friends takes time. It usually doesn't happen during a passing conversation. However, be assured that she probably needs you in her life as much as you need her.

Finally, pray to find a friend. Every time I moved, I prayed for a friend. Each time I was blessed with an answer to that prayer. Sometimes, it seemed like it took forever, but eventually I always found a soul mate as well as many other friends whose presence adds depth and dimension to my life. Remember, all it takes is a prayer, a special invitation and a little bit of time to make a friend.

About the Author:
Mary Steinke writes a newspaper column, speaks to moms through the Midwest, leads Bible study groups, and loves the five males in her family - her husband, Harry, their three sons, and the family's miniature dachshund. Mary lives in Normal, Illinois.

My note: I know how isolated it can get especially if the weather isn't so grand. It can be hard making new friends especially those you have something in common with. These are all good ideas. I also recommend finding a local web based community where you can meet up with local moms in your area. Just do a search for local mom groups and your city name and see what pops up.