Wow, what a loaded question to ask a sleep deprived parent.
My munchkin is turning 1 year old soon and we are back to night awakenings yet once again.
Just when you thought you could finally get a full night’s rest, wham! In comes teething.
He’s been teething for months, but he’s really having a time now. Hence the night wakings. So in I go, one, two even the occasional three times a night to sooth him and help him fall back to sleep. These episodes don’t last long, but they sure can take a toll on your energy level the next day, can’t they? Is the Zombie, unkempt look still in style?
Of course some people say I am spoiling my baby by not letting him “cry it out”. They tell me to ignore him and he’ll learn. I can’t think of too many more things other than physical abuse that can be more cruel than ignoring your child.
I thought I was the only one in the world who didn’t believe in letting a baby scream by himself in his crib in order to “teach” him to learn to sooth himself and go back to sleep on his own. It just felt wrong. It’s nice to read that others share the same feeling and is being backed up by health professionals.
There is a great article by Dr. Sears on how babies sleep and why they wake so often especially in the early months. Their waking is nature’s way of helping to ensure their survival.
Click here for that article. I highly recommend reading this article regardless of your opinion as it helps explain babies sleep patterns.
I am reminded of the one story I heard about a mother who believed it was wrong to let her baby cry by herself, but after countless nights of frequent waking she let someone convince her to let her baby “cry it out”. That night she ignored her baby’ cries. The baby died of SIDS that night. Her cries went unanswered forever. I can’t imagine the guilt and anguish that mother felt to find her baby dead the next morning. I know myself I don’t think I could have gone on living. I vowed right then and there not to let anyone else tell me how to handle my baby if I feel it is wrong.
Now of course I’m not saying that all babies will die of SIDS if you let them cry it out. Many parents do and their children do learn to sleep eventually. But at what the cost? I never want my baby to feel abandoned, to feel unwanted or unloved. And isn’t that what they feel when they are left to handle things themselves at too young of an age? Wouldn’t you if you were sad, hurt, scared and you cried out to a loved one only to be ignored?
Babies don’t understand why they wake up anymore than we do. They just know they are awake, alone, uncomfortable and scared. They may be hungry or hot or cold or in pain. If we leave them alone and never answer their cries what does it really teach them? It teaches them they are unimportant, that they can’t trust anyone especially their mother to comfort them, to protect them. It teaches them to self sooth, maybe, but it also means that the world is a scary place.
Research has proven over and over that babies who are comforted when they cry no matter what time of day do not grow up clingy and dependent like some think, but quite the contrary. They grow up happy, independent and self assured for they know they have someone in their life they can count on to be there if they need them. This gives them the confidence to go boldly forward into that big world. And isn’t that our goal as parents? To raise happy, healthy, kind and self assured children.
What if you had a great support system of people who loved you no matter what? Who loved you even if you made mistakes and always made you feel loved and wanted? Wouldn’t you feel more confident to pursue your dreams, to try new things, to boldly go forward into the world knowing that no matter what happened you had a safety net of love to fall back on? Don’t we want our children to feel that way and to teach their children the same? I do.
I can’t tell you how to raise your child. I can only tell you how I will try to raise mine and what I am NOT willing to do just because many other people do.
My advice is in all situations follow your own instincts. You have instincts for a reason. Don’t ignore them.
No comments:
Post a Comment