Welcome to Toddler Land

Welcome to “Toddler Land”, where chaos and people 3 feet and under rule.

Allow me to give you a tour.

Over here we have “Temper Tantrum City”. Here you can see the showdowns between toddlers and their parents, which are always held in public. Not to worry if you miss a show, they occur on the hour every hour.

Over there we have the “I Can Do It Myself!” attraction showing the always late to arrive parents, ever so patiently watching re-enactments of their children taking 20 minutes to pick out what they want to wear, dressing themselves and putting their shoes on the wrong feet.

Over here we have the “NO!” attraction where every request you make will be authentically refused by one of our many talented actors, or you can bring your own toddler to use in the show.

Here we have our interactive “Uh-Oh” attraction which is sure to make all children giggle and parents gasp. Here children can actively engage in activities with each other around very expensive and breakable objects. A credit card is required up front.

Over there is the “Mommy, I Don’t Feel So Good” attraction. Warning: Raincoats are recommended and is not for the squeamish or for anyone whose gag reflex is easily triggered.

If you get hungry, please visit our “I’m Not Eating That” Restaurant. Chicken nuggets, candy and ice cream come complimentary.

And don’t forget to stop by our “Pricey, But Made In China With Lead Paint Gift Shop” which is strategically placed by the exit so as to encourage your toddler’s need to howl and scream for more over priced cheaply made toys.

Thank you for visiting “Toddler Land”. We hope your stay is a pleasant one.

Taxes, title, insurance, therapy, aspirin, strait jackets extra.