Ok, so it's not funny to us, but it is to everyone else! So if you notice any typos, please forgive me, I am in dire need of some sleep.
A new baby brings many changes to our lives, but none more so than the lack of sleep. I'm not sure why nature does this to us or what purpose it serves, but there is no getting out of it. It is a rite of passage.
Lack of sleep I firmly believe will get me in the end.
I know I need to make life adjustments to correct it, but due to the lack of sleep I just don't have the energy right now.
I have one of those alarm clocks that has a sunrise light that gradually comes on to wake you. It works for me and I like the fact I'm not awaken with a jolt by the traditional alarms. It wakes you more gradually. Though on occasion I have been known to sleep right through it. So I recommend a backup if you are hard to wake or not getting enough sleep like me and end up acting like you are in a coma. I hate being woke up with a jolt by the traditional beep, beep, beep of an alarm clock. There is nothing harder on your heart than that initial jolt. And the word jolt is a good definition of how it feels. It feels like you just grabbed an electric fence and are getting electrocuted. It’s a horrible feeling. Try it sometime just so you can compare the similarities of the two and can talk with some authority on the subject.
After rereading this paragraph I have to add the comment, "I was joking. Please don't take me literally and go out a grab an electric fence just to see what it is like. I don't have the energy to respond to the judge in court over why I told you to do that."
Here are few things you can actually do while sleeping:
Standing up. Yes you can sleep while standing up like horses and cows do. But beware. Just like cows, you are a candidate for someone to come up and "tip" you. RE: tipping cows. But you are too tired to care.
Hold a bottle under warm running water. Of course this is done while standing up. Not very ecological to let the water run, but you are too tired to care.
Manage to get through the living room without stepping on any toy. You do this to keep from jabbing things into your feet, cussing loudly and waking everyone up including the baby you just got to sleep. You are proud of yourself and this new found skill that will ultimately fail you around the time leggos can safely appear on the scene, but again, you are too tired to care.
Get dressed. Now this is big. Getting dressed BB (before baby) was relatively simple. Now though if it doesn't smell like soured milk and it doesn't have a milk stain on it somewhere, it's clean and ready to wear. New parents just don't care how they look anymore for two reasons. One, they know the zombie look isn't a turn on to others of the opposite sex even if you had the energy to be interested and two, they just flat are too tired to care anymore.
Here are some of the stupid things I do or forget to do when I am running on fumes. See if you can relate. Have you ever done this before?
While in the shower you can't remember if you just shampooed your hair or not. You look down at the bottle, you run your fingers through your hair, but you just can't remember. Now you are aggravated. You say to yourself, "Did I or didn't I? This is so stupid and I don't have time for this!!!" So you shampoo again. Now chances are you did the first time because we all do a routine in the shower and shampooing is usually one of the first things most people do, but you just flat can't remember. So you end up taking more time, use more water and run out of shampoo faster. However, you really are too tired to care anymore.
While driving to work you think of the horror stories of people wearing two different colored socks to work or worse, two different shoes! So you risk an accident by looking down to confirm that you not only have the same two pair of shoes on, but that your socks match too. The car slows down fast when you take your foot off of the accelerator to look doesn't it? Then you feel so stupid, but you are too tired to care.
Someone at work or at the store points out to you that a bird crapped on your shoulder and it ran down your back. You look over your shoulder and pull up on your shirt to have a look. Then you smile, thank them and walk away. You know the truth. The baby projectile device got you again, but you are too tired to care.
You stare at papers with writing or figures on them at work or at home for heaven knows how long until someone walks up to jerk you out of your stupor only for you to say, "huh?" You stare at them wondering what it is you’re looking at, why you are looking at it and what the heck were you supposed to do with it. But then again you just are too tired to care.
You forget how to spell the word, "the". You know it's a simple word. You're sure you have spelled it before, but for some reason it totally escapes you now and you are in awe of yourself and how stupid you are at the moment. You sit there, your brain reeling over the fact you can't remember it, wondering if maybe you are having a stroke, but you realize it's just lack of sleep. It eventually comes to you in an “a hah” moment and you are amazed at forgetting it in the first place, but you are too tired to care.
Drive a car to a destination and no recollection of the drive. Now that's scary. You can't remember if you stopped for that light or stop sign, etc. You do care about this one, but then again you are just grateful to have arrived so the caring thought is fleeting.
You wonder how long you can possibly last without sleep and you ask other parents around you if there is any end in sight. When they just laugh and walk away you know that didn't sound good, but hey, they are living proof you can live through it. I find it a privilege that I am a card carrying member of the new baby = lack of sleep club and I want to shout it from the roof top. But I know if I somehow miraculously had the energy to climb on the roof I would just lay down and take a nap instead.
Sweet dreams.
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