Bad Mom, Bad Mom!

Yesterday I was a bad mom. I got angry and frustrated when my 3 year old decided he would rather sit and pout than fly his new kite.

He had been bugging me to take him to fly his new kite, his first kite, for days. The weather was perfect and very windy which meant it would be easy to get the kite into the air and keep it there, making it more fun for both of us.

All was well, till I pulled the kite out of the package and it wasn’t the color he had hoped it would be. Combine that with the fact he didn’t know how to get it into the air himself and he didn’t want me to do it for him, became the perfect time to put on a pouting show.

I tried everything I could think of to get him to come and fly it as it was dancing on the air. I tried pleasantries, coercing, pleading, demanding, threatening and finally out of frustration, I said he was acting like a spoiled brat.

My inner self gasped at the sting of my words. Words I swore to myself I would never say. Yet there they were, out there in the universe never to be able to be retrieved back. I saw the sideways glance he gave me from afar and my heart sank as I realized I had failed yet again at this parenting thing.

I should have just brought the kite in and went home, but no, I had to let my temper and frustration at not having the Kodak moment I was looking forward to further ruin the moment.

I remember being told things like that when I was little and I never, never wanted to make my son feel the way I was made to feel.

I ended up going home adding insult to injury by telling him how angry I was with him at his behavior. But I knew the truth – I was more angry at myself for my behavior.

Later that afternoon, after we both had some quiet time alone, apart from each other, I apologized to him for getting angry and saying the mean things I said. I did my best to reassure him how much I loved him, and though I didn’t like his actions, I did like (& love) him.

The only solace I could give myself was the fact that at least I made an attempt to apologize and make it right by saying how much I loved him. That was something I never got as a child.

I was amazed and grateful at his ability to forgive so easily and felt a little unworthy as he threw his little arms around my neck, kissed my cheek and said he loved me too.

That feeling of failure will stick with me I’m sure a lifetime.

Later that day, his dad and I tried to make up for it, by flying his kite at home. My husband boasted he could fly a kite anywhere and not get it caught on the wires or trees around. I was skeptical, but willing to try anything to make up for earlier.

All was great till my husband handed the string over to our son without holding onto it himself. That lasted less than a minute as I saw the handle slip through his little fingers and the wind carry it off at 100 mph, only to get the handle caught on the telephone wires.

It flew itself for the longest time before the storm that was rolling in took it to the next county. It lasted about as long as my son’s meltdown over losing it and his parents not willing to climb up to the wires to get it.

That little kite cost more than the $3 I paid for it. It cost my son and I a nice outing at the park, a self esteem blow to both he and myself (my own doing). It cost me a lot of guilt and it cost my son the reality of knowing that his parents aren’t superheroes who can fix anything since we couldn’t fly up there and get the kite down for him.

What kind of Supermom am I?

It turns out a pretty lousy one. But though I may be a bad mom from time to time, I never, never stop being a mom who loves her son more than anything.

~Project MAHMA(Moms at Home Making A Difference…and a Lot of Money!) is a global coalition of moms (and dads) who are earning an income from home and giving themselves the gift of freedom— including more time with their families—while at the same time offering others the gift of better health and a better life.

If you are a stay-at-home mom who has ever struggled to make ends meet, or a working mother who would like to transition to a business that allows you to spend more time with your family, then Project MAHMA is for you!

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