I want to make a correction to this story. In my haste to get my idea out I overlooked a very important detail - Work Outside of Home Moms (WOHM). I meant this group of women when I said WAHM. Not that work at home moms have it any easier. I apologize for my oversight and hope no one was offended or felt left out.
Julie
When I was laid off, I was scared about losing the income, but I was looking forward to spending all this time with my son. I have always tried to work and bring in an income. I also liked where I worked and what I did. The people I worked with were great and were like an extended family. I sure do miss them. Now, if I could only remember their names.
That being said however, I wanted to be the one to raise my son, not pay someone else to do it. I wanted to be the one to make the mistakes in parenting and so far, I’m doing a good job of it. The mistakes that is.
After he was born, I wanted to quit my job and stay home with him, but like a lot of other mothers my income was needed and I had to go back to work. That first day back was pure torture. I cried all the way to work and periodically throughout the day. People said it would get easier, but it never did. I stopped crying for the most part with a few occasional crying spells in the car, but it never did get any easier and it was always so hard leaving him in the morning. So when I found myself unemployed the fear of the loss of income was overshadowed by my joy of being with my son.
I remember thinking that in addition to focusing more on him I thought I would have all this time to get all these things done that I had to put off due to lack of time because I was “working”. Wow! Was I naïve or what? Stupid is more like it.
I foolishly thought I could get and keep the house spotless from top to bottom and I could decorate it like I have been wanting to including painting. Martha Stewart would have nothing on me except the show and the jail time. She could have that. I also thought I would have all this time to find ways of making extra money while still staying home like I dreamed about. I was thinking blogging, selling Shaklee, giving horseback riding lessons, etc. Maybe even write that book I’ve been wanting to write.
I can honestly say I have achieved none of that. I did develop this blog, but it’s not yet where I want it to be. I want to be able to bring more useful articles to my readers and of course expand my reader base. But like my life, it can be chaotic and fragmented. I am also working on developing a horseback riding program for children and adults, but it’s slow in getting off of the ground mainly due to lack of time in ironing out the details with others. I still sell Shaklee products, but I struggle with getting the word out. Sounds like a typical failure from where I stand. But hey I am trying.
So why has my dream of life perfection gone up in smoke? Duh! I forgot about the full time job of being a toddler wrangler. You try doing it without a rope!
I forgot how much work being your child’s caregiver can be. When I was working a job outside of home I was paying someone else to chase after him. Now I am the chief cook and bottle washer literally. Being that I nursed I could get rid of the bottles though and I could stop pumping. Yea!!! Now that nursing is done we have moved on to potty training which is slow going by the way. I look forward to the day of no more diapers! Still, I am losing time faster than gravity is pulling down my now deflated boobs.
I still have not accomplished all my goals though. Good thing I’m not a politician. Wait, politicians never accomplish all their campaign promises either. Maybe I have a future in politics. Nah, no time.
I am so critical of myself. I am constantly apologizing to my husband and any other person willing to listen for my short comings. I’m not sure if I’m looking for forgiveness or sympathy. Mostly I just get laughter. When I mention my failed aspirations to mothers who have been where I am now, they just laugh and laugh hard by the way. They agree with how much work raising a child, even one child can be. Ironically enough the same amount of laughter and understanding comes from both Work At Home Moms (wahm) and Stay At Home Moms (sahm).
I am not writing this article on who works more – sahm or wahm. Both work hard and I have been both. I must admit though I had a distorted view of a sahm when I was working. I just forgot that sahm were working during the same hours I was working at my job. They were the babysitter. Their time was spent being the caregiver I was paying someone else to do. They were doing the changing, educating, kissing away the boo boos, feeding and cleaning up after the feeding which by the way how much can a growing toddler eat? Forget about saving for college I need a 529 plan for groceries. And the mess under the high chair? Oh my gosh, good thing I have a never needs recharging, cordless vacuum called a dog. Anyway, what I am saying is that position is a full time job in addition to the cooking, cleaning, laundry, handling the finances, etc that we all have to do.
I am always trying to find ways to save money, too which can be a part time job in itself. I view taking time to learn new strategies on how to save like hard core couponing and sale shopping which is comparable to earning the money you save. And that type of shopping takes extra time. It’s a job in itself.
I am fortunate to have an understanding husband who knows how hard it can be. I am aware so many women do not have that kind of support by their spouses. To those spouses I say, shame on you! Could you do it any better? If so, then help out more. If not, then shut up! To those of you without support there are many web sites with others who have a sympathetic ear and words of encouragement along with some good advice.
Anyway, my husband works very hard at his job and here at home, but he knows my job never ends. I also have a niece, who I admire. She is a sahm with three children who are about two years apart. She is a great mom and now that I am a mom of one, I admire and respect her all that much more.
Don’t compare yourself to others and what they are accomplishing. That’s not fair to you or them and you may not know the whole story. I am hardest on myself and my husband lovingly reminds me that the only one criticizing me is me. Do you do the same? If so, stop it! And remind me to stop it too, please.
I still couldn’t tell you where all the time goes though even with a schedule and to do lists to follow. I used to be a very organized and efficient person at work. You wouldn’t know it though by looking at me now. All that organization and efficiency seems to have been flushed down the toilet along with the poo poo that I’m trying to teach my toddler where it should go instead of in the diaper. You try and get much done with a toddler who seems only interested in you when you are trying to get something done like writing this article. All this time he has been pulling on my arm and trying to climb into my lap, whining and whimpering the whole time. Excuse me for a moment while I stop and give a hug and a kiss.
OK, I’m back. I got him interested in his blocks. Let’s hope it lasts for a few minutes so I can finish this.
When I do get a few precious moments to myself, I oddly feel a little guilty for stealing some time for myself. I also find myself missing him. What’s up with that?! I can’t help it, I just do. Guess I’m hopeless when it comes to that. Pathetic is more like it. At least that’s what one person at the horse barn says I am. But then again she doesn’t have children, so what does she know about our self inflicted guilt trips?
Maybe someday I’ll stumble upon that blackhole where all that time went to that got away from me, but until then I’ll just try and do my best with the time I have. After all, whether you are a wahm or a sahm (or dad) that’s all you can do, your best.
So keep up the good work all you moms and dads and don’t be so hard on yourself, leave that job to others.
I have to go and rescue the dog from flailing toys being catapulted his way. Supermom to the rescue! Dang, I wish I could fly!
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