I was reminded of this today at the bus stop. My son fell on
the concrete while running and scraped the palms of his hands. I could feel the
sting and knew it must have hurt, but it was my heart that stung worse as he
got to his feet, rubbed his hands together and went on instead of coming to me
for comfort.
He wasn’t about to let his friends see he might need his
mom. I understood his not wanting to need me, but it sent my mind reeling back
to the days when a little boy would fall then come running to me with red
scraped hands outstretched for mom’s gentle kisses.
We long to teach our children to be more independent. We
start out with simple things like how to sit up, to crawl, and to hold a spoon.
Then it’s on to dressing themselves and tying their shoes. Later it’s to making
their bed and their own lunches.
They may balk at first at them having to do the things you
used to do for them. You hear yourself telling them how they are old enough now
to do it themselves. We feel the burden ease off of us just a little as they
learn to do more on their own.
Then comes the day where you feel the sting of when they don’t
need you like before. When you feel the distance growing between you there will
come a day when you reach out to do something for them just to be helpful, only
to have them stop you and say, “I got it, Mom. I can do it myself.”
You weakly smile and back off softly saying, “OK”, but inside
it hurts. And that’s when you feel a longing. A longing for the days when your
little one giggles as you pulled the shirt over his head and said peek-a-boo.
When he needed you to fill his sippy cup and tie his shoes. When he desperately
held your hand not wanting to let you go on his first day of school. You will
suddenly find yourself longing for when he couldn’t do it by himself.
Why? Why do we work so hard at teaching them to do it on
their own, only when they finally do we wished for the days when they needed us
to do it?
Our job as mothers is to teach our children to be
independent – to grow up and learn to take care of themselves.
Oh sure, they will always need us. To find that lost lucky
shirt, to borrow money for that date, to listen when their best friend lets
them down. Then later they need us for advice on a job offer or when their own
children have a temperature. Their needing us never truly ends, it just
changes.
Isn’t is strange how we can’t wait till they are potty
trained, but the sight of a cute potty chair in the store years later makes us
wish for those days back?
As moms we may always wish for the days when they were
little and their lessons were little, but oh dear mom, just know that though
they may need you less in the ways of chores and duties, their need for you
grows in matters of more importance as their life grows.
So go on and make their bed for them once in a blue moon,
not that they can’t or shouldn’t do it on their own, but more of a way to
satisfy your need to do it for them just one more time.
We know you want them to think you are just being nice when
they are overwhelmed with their super busy lives, but us moms secretly know it’s
because you may miss the days when they needed you to.
Julie
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